Thursday, August 13, 2009

Yes, I know I'm Weird

As I write this, I am 42 years old. As you read it, I may be 43 or 70, buy I probably won't be 39. I'm saddled with a strange affliction that maybe one of you can counsel me on or help me with:

I like women my own age.

I think thirty-seven to forty-four is the sweet spot for women. From all I see in the media, that is akin, for any man under seventy, to having a second nose. Now stop laughing, this creates a great since of shame. Pay attention, this is where it gets weird; I'm not ashamed of dating women my age, I'm ashamed of choosing to date women my age. You haven't seen my picture, I do have options.

My affliction started way back in life:

I flirted heavily with "the hot teacher" in school when I was 15. In retrospect, I probably could have had her - She flirted back.

I lost my virginity to sexy, Scorpio, 34-year-old divorcée when I was in my late teens.

I had a son with a like 37-year-old when I was 23.

I had sex with a 44 year old actress when I was 27. I had changed her flat tire on the side of the road an hour before.


Believe me, the only positive that I can take from this is that my "Sweet Spot" didn't keep increasing with my age.

I think the worst thing about my "fetish" is trying to explain it to dumbfounded friends. I have one in Los Angeles who is 45, black, rich, handsome and a complete playboy. In his clubgoing days, him going home with two girls he just me was not unprecedented; I saw it with my own eyes. He now lives with a beautiful girl of 26...and constantly makes jokes about trading her in for a younger model...I don't get the joke. "Smokey" is constantly talking about us double dating with one of his girlfriends, friends. He says that they are goergeous, I believe him.

I've responed numerous times, that I'm just not into dating kids, and he quickly transitions from thinking that I am just being obstinate, to looking at me as though my ears were voluntarily detaching themselves from my head. Then a month later, feeling that I have had sufficient time to come to my senses, he asks again.

I kind of like old movies and one of the reasons is that they cast Women in women's roles, and girls in girl's roles. Even the girls who were cast in Women's roles, like Lauren Becal, were really Women. Nowadays, Scarlett Johansen, or some other blonde girl with big tits that you could buy a hot-dog-on-a-stick from at the mall, is cast in everything.

Perky Skin - Nice
Beautiful Skin with a few lines - Better

Youthful exuberance - Great
Talking to Someone Who Can Answer You - Better

Mercurial Displays of Emotion - Fine
Mercurial Displays of Emotion Only When the Situation Demands Them - Far Superior.

There comes a point in time where the "Cougar" and the "Milf" become known by another name; "The Chick I Could Have Went to High School With." And that's OK, because If I had gone to High School with them, they wouldn't have had a chance: I would have been real flirtatious with their moms though!

Sunday, July 19, 2009


So, you're here.

And you're probably asking yourself the same question I tend to ask myself upon discovering a new blog..."What the fuck is this bullshit?"

A blog is a little like a diary; you squeeze a little of your blood through your skin and onto the keyboard in the desperate hope that it's going to form a nice red pattern. You write about what's dear to you, interests you, or makes the world rumble underneath your feet. And you hope that a few other people feel that rumble as well.

Well, for me, it's not a rumble, it's an avalanche; and the bird at the top of the mountain that flew away with the one balancing straw to build a nest is "The Truth."

I like it plain, unadulterated, undiluted and unadorned. My purpose for living is taking an event, feeling, judgement, situation, or idea and releasing it from all self-serving falsehood, and letting it float to the top being 99 44/100% pure.

I feel like a carpenter adding a forth leg to a wobbly three leg tripod (would that make it a quadpod?) so that it can become the platform for beautiful pictures. I love removing the MSG and Red dye #97 from an excellent meal. I'm enamored with The Truth because there is nothing more beautiful; or arguably more rare.

Now if you're like me you have one thought going through your mind after reading this introduction: "What the fuck is this bullshit."

Well, keep reading this blog and maybe we can elucidate each other.

Besides I suck at gardening.