RoadSoda

Slavery is back?!?! Where do I sign up?

2011-10-20T19:00:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, I fail to see the advantages given by our instant information access, 900 cable channel, microblog-for-everything-one-could-possibly-desire, Google / Wikipediadict world. Yesterday was one of those days I cherished the information superhighway making a detour through my living room.

Without the internet, I would not have been the last man to know that multimillionaire knee-grows are back in slavery again.

What, you hadn't heard?

Bryant Gumbel, on his sometimes-pretty-good SportsNews show, Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel broke the news to me, and, hopefully a few other ignoramuses

In case you are later in getting the news then I am, and are reading this blog in 2014, I will set the scenario:

The National Basketball Association has mostly black players.

Said "NBA" is on strike.

The commissioner of said NBA is a white man named David Stern (who has his paycheck signed by a coalition of the mostly white owners) and Gumbel does not like him.

Gumbel referred to Stern as " the NBA's infamously egocentric commissioner." This seems to be a statement that would be validated by a fair number of people. He then went to on to say; "His efforts were typical of a commissioner who has always seemed eager to be viewed as some kind of modern plantation overseer, treating NBA men as if they were his boys."

So, the commissioner is a plantation owner and the players, by proxy, I guess, are his slaves. This disregarding the verifiable fact that a few of the slaves actually make more money than the man with the whip!

From what I can recall of my increasingly faulty memory, this is about the 4th time we have been returned to slavery this year. Multimillionaires striking seem to bethe first ones gaining access to the ship, as Pittsburgh Steelers running back Rashard Mendenhall declared himself a slave during the NFL strike this summer.

Now 'Truth' is not one to pass judgement on another, so let me elucidate my personal feelings on 'modern-day slavery': If it entails a multimillion dollar paycheck for something I used to do for free, beautiful groupies, luxury vehicles, and and fans, whom, despite knowing how much money I make line up to by me drinks; I say "Where the Hell is the WhiteBoi with the Damn Shackles, and Why is He Taking so Long?!"

Bryant Gumbel has made these sort of statements before, and he just strikes me as yet another example of the 60 plus year-old blackman who wouldn't be doing anyone outside of his immediate family a disservice if he would just hurry up and shake St. Peter's hand already. My Afro-American friends seem to universally pan me for my views, the general consensus goes something like this:

"But 'Truth', you need to lighten up on that, Bruva, you don't know where he came from!" 'Yes, buddies, on some level, I do: I am a light-skinned (although not nearly as light as Bryant) A-Am who was raised in a middle class family in a metropolitan area also.'

Now I don't know exactly from where Mr. Gumbel is coming; I was not hired to host the nightly sportscast in America's #2 media market for beaucoup dollars a month after my 22nd birthday -- I did not ridicule my younger brother for being 'too dark', and I did not leave my black wife for Becky Van Gordenheimer from Iowa, but otherwise, our backgrounds aren't that different.

For years, Bryant Gumbel was the easy, black commedian proxy for "light-skinned sellout", and there is little doubt in my mind that Bryant was wounded deeply by this. He wants to retain a little "verifiable blackness" with "his people" and signify to them that a Black Park Avenue Millionaire who spends most of his time with at the charitable soirees of his White Park Avenue Millionaires buddies is still a real Nigga, Yo!

Truth is not so dense that he does not understand that years of somewhat nasty black-community ridicule can undermine a man's sanity, but on some level, is there anything more comical than the stereotypical Malcolm Duke character that so many black men, young and old, rich and poor have allowed themselves to become? that is, they talk like Malcolm X, and fuck like David Duke.

No, Bry, I do not consider Mr. Stern an overseer of any sort, and I certainly don't consider anyone who wears an official "NBA" patch on their uniform a slave. I will defend the 1st amendment with my dying breath, but in fairness, if ESPN found fault enough with Hank III to terminate a business relationship over the immortal sin of comparing someone to Hitler, I would not protest much over Bryant's termination from HBO. But hey Bryant, on while you are cleaning our your desk, please don't trash the commissioner's business card, make your last surreptitious act scanning it on the HBO equipment and send it to my box. Tell Dave I have my sack and garden gloves ready.

The Key to Successful Marriage

2011-10-13T21:25:00.000-07:00

My best friend, an upper-middle class African-American lawyer called me up the other day with an interesting thesi

"'Truth', he says; I think I've discovered the key to a happy marriage."

This piqued my interest, as his marriage has featured infidelity, property destruction, and multiple calls to the police.

"Every woman is crazy", he continued, "and every man is selfish. The key is for both parties to realize it, and for a woman to make herself 10% less crazy, and for a man to become 10% less selfish."

He delayed to let the genius sink in.

"Once you have that, expecting anything else is just asking too much."

I pondered it for hours, put it through the paces, and looked critically at my relationship, his relationship and that of others...and I have to say, it works for me.

Seventy-eight hundred...

2011-10-10T21:00:00.000-07:00

...views on a blog that I haven't updated in over two years, so, I guess that means I'm wanted.

I'm coming back strong for Q4 2011 -- just in advance of the global meltdown -- keep your browsers open.

Yes, I know I'm Weird

2009-08-13T22:29:00.000-07:00

As I write this, I am 42 years old. As you read it, I may be 43 or 70, buy I probably won't be 39. I'm saddled with a strange affliction that maybe one of you can counsel me on or help me with:

I like women my own age.

I think thirty-seven to forty-four is the sweet spot for women. From all I see in the media, that is akin, for any man under seventy, to having a second nose. Now stop laughing, this creates a great since of shame. Pay attention, this is where it gets weird; I'm not ashamed of dating women my age, I'm ashamed of choosing to date women my age. You haven't seen my picture, I do have options.

My affliction started way back in life:

I flirted heavily with "the hot teacher" in school when I was 15. In retrospect, I probably could have had her - She flirted back.

I lost my virginity to sexy, Scorpio, 34-year-old divorcée when I was in my late teens.

I had a son with a like 37-year-old when I was 23.

I had sex with a 44 year old actress when I was 27. I had changed her flat tire on the side of the road an hour before.

Etc.

Believe me, the only positive that I can take from this is that my "Sweet Spot" didn't keep increasing with my age.

I think the worst thing about my "fetish" is trying to explain it to dumbfounded friends. I have one in Los Angeles who is 45, black, rich, handsome and a complete playboy. In his clubgoing days, him going home with two girls he just me was not unprecedented; I saw it with my own eyes. He now lives with a beautiful girl of 26...and constantly makes jokes about trading her in for a younger model...I don't get the joke. "Smokey" is constantly talking about us double dating with one of his girlfriends, friends. He says that they are goergeous, I believe him.

I've responed numerous times, that I'm just not into dating kids, and he quickly transitions from thinking that I am just being obstinate, to looking at me as though my ears were voluntarily detaching themselves from my head. Then a month later, feeling that I have had sufficient time to come to my senses, he asks again.

I kind of like old movies and one of the reasons is that they cast Women in women's roles, and girls in girl's roles. Even the girls who were cast in Women's roles, like Lauren Becal, were really Women. Nowadays, Scarlett Johansen, or some other blonde girl with big tits that you could buy a hot-dog-on-a-stick from at the mall, is cast in everything.

Perky Skin - Nice
Beautiful Skin with a few lines - Better

Youthful exuberance - Great
Talking to Someone Who Can Answer You - Better

Mercurial Displays of Emotion - Fine
Mercurial Displays of Emotion Only When the Situation Demands Them - Far Superior.

There comes a point in time where the "Cougar" and the "Milf" become known by another name; "The Chick I Could Have Went to High School With." And that's OK, because If I had gone to High School with them, they wouldn't have had a chance: I would have been real flirtatious with their moms though!

Why?

2009-07-19T21:46:00.000-07:00

So, you're here.

And you're probably asking yourself the same question I tend to ask myself upon discovering a new blog..."What the fuck is this bullshit?"

A blog is a little like a diary; you squeeze a little of your blood through your skin and onto the keyboard in the desperate hope that it's going to form a nice red pattern. You write about what's dear to you, interests you, or makes the world rumble underneath your feet. And you hope that a few other people feel that rumble as well.

Well, for me, it's not a rumble, it's an avalanche; and the bird at the top of the mountain that flew away with the one balancing straw to build a nest is "The Truth."

I like it plain, unadulterated, undiluted and unadorned. My purpose for living is taking an event, feeling, judgement, situation, or idea and releasing it from all self-serving falsehood, and letting it float to the top being 99 44/100% pure.

I feel like a carpenter adding a forth leg to a wobbly three leg tripod (would that make it a quadpod?) so that it can become the platform for beautiful pictures. I love removing the MSG and Red dye #97 from an excellent meal. I'm enamored with The Truth because there is nothing more beautiful; or arguably more rare.

Now if you're like me you have one thought going through your mind after reading this introduction: "What the fuck is this bullshit."

Well, keep reading this blog and maybe we can elucidate each other.

Besides I suck at gardening.